Day 11: 30 Days of Self Portraits

Playing in the Shadows 🖤



Image: Self Portrait, vine charcoal, charcoal paper, pastel pencils

Charcoal was calling me today, and I'm still keeping the portraits on a half-hour time limit for now so I can't get to stuck in making something to "perfect." The dark, darker, and wicked dark medium of charcoal. Yeah it's just a stick of black stuff, but that black stuff comes in a few different forms which can create very different shades of dark or darker stuff on paper. I used all vine charcoal here, and it is a light airy stick of stuff. To get really dense and dark, a stick of compressed charcoal is the way to go. Think about where this black stuff comes from. Charcoal is essentially a burnt piece of organic matter. It's dead. It's death made into a stick, and put in a box to sell to artists so they can create new life with it. We take the charcoal and put pressure on ourselves as artists to create that diamond (perfect picture) hahaha. Like the "death card" in the Tarot, it all comes back to the cycle of death and rebirth.


There are a lot of awakenings through Chiron transits, and in Aries one of them specifically has to do with identity. How many times have we been through cycles of dying to an old way of being and then rebirthing a new one? I know I've been through a lot of those cycles... but then again I do have Scorpio rising. I feel like my whole life has been about dying to old identities and creating new ones. The phoenix has to keep rising from the damn ashes 🤣 Right now ALL of us are carving out something new with ourselves at this moment in time, and none of us have ever been here before. Some new life is born through the courage and freedom to be in the present and take it all step by step.


#Chiron itself is the investigator, the programmer behind the scenes, the deeper place where all the real and raw information is. It's all wound up in a giant knot and it's tight. Chiron in Aries is like a black leather-and-spikes-punk-rock-wearing Shamanic detective with the chops to recalibrate your energy around whatever needs to change. It's the RE-programmer as well. It's kind of like playing an adventure game on the computer. Once you've been playing the game long enough, you'll find the golden key... but that key is a mega cryptic multi-character code that only the top level programmer (yourself) can crack in order to find the easter eggs (your gifts) in the game. You are the only one who can bring out your best self... no matter what you've been through.


"Once you've been in the game playing long enough, you'll find the golden key... but that key is a mega cryptic multi-character code..."

The "game" is the matrix we are all de-programming ourselves from right now, and it's tricky. Staying present is important.


Speaking of "games," and "programming," I'm not a football fan, but yesterday's halftime show with Shakira and J-Lo had a lot to say, and not everyone got the subtle message that was shared through the ART. With the fun and excitement of a 15 minute show that probably took weeks to create, there were a lot of messages that had nothing to do with the costumes or two incredibly talented women shaking it. It was about programming... how we are programmed to see women or not see women, how women are "supposed" to act or not act. We are so "programmed" through shame that we can't even enjoy being in our bodies.


To anyone in the shaming and complaining category of this show, I'd like to see you (at age 43 and 50) put in the creativity, hours and hours of work/practice, time, energy, talent, sexiness, and fun that all those performers gave everyone in a 15 minute performance. Not only that, remember, halftime performers don't get paid by the NFL... they volunteer to do this! It is essentially a high-end artist working for "exposure."


Back to the charcoal here... how much "pressure" do you think is on half-time performers to make millions of people "happy" in 15 minutes? Riiiight.


If you're actually still reading this blog post at this point than hey, thanks 😆 If you followed my stream of consciousness thoughts through all of where I just went here, then you're doing pretty good. Sometimes I can't even follow where my thoughts want to take me, which is part of why I haven't started or kept up a blog in the past, but I'm trying now in my own imperfect way.


So, THIS artist is claiming herself back... all of herself. I think I'll go shake my booty now.


Sounds of the day: Chasing Shadows - Shakira


"The time will come

when, with elation,

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the other’s welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.


You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.


Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life."


—Derek Walcott


#chironinaries #chironreturn #30daysofselfportraits

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