Day 13: 30 Days of Self Portraits

Updated: Feb 7, 2020

Water 💦💙

Image: Self Portrait, pastel pencil and patterned/textured scrapbook paper

I'm really having fun with this paper that I had never considered drawing on before. It's meant to be cut up and used for collage/scrapbooking, but the texture and interesting backgrounds of them make this more fun. Still keeping within my half hour time limit, I can see where I'm "off" from the original picture. My left eye is too high, the left side of my mouth needs to be wider. The right side of my nose needs some adjustment. I'm letting all that go, and allowing the shapes of color to take the drawing where it wants to go. Imperfect perfectness 😁

Playing with the elements now... water seemed to seep in and want to be my element of the day. Emotions and feelings. I don't feel like writing much on all that, so I'll share some music and other writing with you instead 💙

Sounds for the day: Water, Chloe Charles

"Water does not resist. Water flows. When you plunge your hand into it, all you feel is a caress. Water is not a solid wall, it will not stop you. But water always goes where it wants to go, and nothing in the end can stand against it. Water is patient. Dripping water wears away a stone. Remember that, my child. Remember you are half water. If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. Water does." ―Margaret Atwood, The Penelopiad"

Once, I ran from fear so fear controlled me. Until I learned to hold fear like a newborn. Listen to it, but not give in. Honour it, but not worship it. Fear could not stop me anymore. I walked with courage into the storm. I still have fear, but it does not have me.

Once, I was ashamed of who I was. I invited shame into my heart. I let it burn. It told me, "I am only trying to protect your vulnerability". I thanked shame dearly, and stepped into life anyway, unashamed, with shame as a lover.

Once, I had great sadness buried deep inside. I invited it to come out and play. I wept oceans. My tear ducts ran dry. And I found joy right there. Right at the core of my sorrow. It was heartbreak that taught me how to love.

Once, I had anxiety. A mind that wouldn't stop. Thoughts that wouldn't be silent. So I stopped trying to silence them. And I dropped out of the mind, and into the Earth. Into the mud. Where I was held strong like a tree, unshakeable, safe.

Once, anger burned in the depths. I called anger into the light of myself. I felt its shocking power. I let my heart pound and my blood boil. Listened to it, finally. And it screamed, "Respect yourself fiercely now!". "Speak your truth with passion!". "Say no when you mean no!". "Walk your path with courage!". "Let no one speak for you!" Anger became an honest friend. A truthful guide. A beautiful wild child.

Once, loneliness cut deep. I tried to distract and numb myself. Ran to people and places and things. Even pretended I was "happy". But soon I could not run anymore. And I tumbled into the heart of loneliness. And I died and was reborn into an exquisite solitude and stillness. That connected me to all things. So I was not lonely, but alone with All Life. My heart One with all other hearts.

Once, I ran from difficult feelings. Now, they are my advisors, confidants, friends, and they all have a home in me, and they all belong and have dignity. I am sensitive, soft, fragile, my arms wrapped around all my inner children. And in my sensitivity, power. In my fragility, an unshakeable Presence.

In the depths of my wounds, in what I had named “darkness”, I found a blazing Light that guides me now in battle.

I became a warrior when I turned towards myself.

And started listening.

—Jeff Foster

#chironinaries #chironreturn #30daysofselfportraits

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